


The Pain of Forgetting

by chainsawdog



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Rape Aftermath, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 20:23:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12066318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chainsawdog/pseuds/chainsawdog
Summary: On her cousin's wedding day, there was a massacre. Shianni didn't remember what actually happened. Now, her memories are returning.





	The Pain of Forgetting

She doesn’t remember it for years. Her cousin goes away and saves the world. Shianni has panic attacks and insomnia. Her cousin falls in love. Shianni is afraid to let anyone touch her. Her cousin is strong, and unbroken. Shianni doesn’t remember what made her so afraid. 

  


Shianni becomes the leader of the Alienage. One of the people who remembers has vanished. The other, Soris, doesn’t want to remind her. Sometimes the slaughter is mentioned, but no one knows what happened to Shianni. She starts to remember.

  


A fragile doll. That’s something she was afraid of. Being treated like she was broken, spoiled. Or worse, being blamed. If she hadn’t smashed that bottle over his head…  
  
Her cousin wouldn’t blame her. That’s what she tells herself, as the memories come back. Shattered fragments. Nightmares, and all too real memories in her waking life. Why her? 

  


She tries to kill herself, but it doesn’t work. She hesitates. Cyrion finds her covered in blood and crying. So much blood. She thinks she’s told him what happened, but she can’t remember. Nothing is real, now. 

  


Shianni dreams of the Dalish. They’re myths, really, to the Alienage elves. Shianni thinks they can cure her. They have ancient magic. Surely they can help. Cyrion tells her there’s nothing to cure. She’s okay. She’s whole. It wasn’t her fault.  
  
Why does that always make her cry?

  


Soris says he’ll look for the Dalish with her. Shianni can’t stop crying. Soris apologises; ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ but Shianni grabs him in a hug. ‘Thank you,’ she whispers. ‘Thank you.’

  


They travel together for months. Shianni shines as a hunter. They hear word of a clan called Sabrae in the Brecilian Forest. Soris grows his hair and covers his ears; they travel as humans. Shianni has nightmares. Soris pretends not to notice. Shianni is grateful. 

  


It’s almost a surprise when they stumble upon a Dalish elf in the forest. She’s beautiful, Shianni thinks, with her wild eyes and tattoos. She carries a twisting bow, holds an arrow between two dark fingers. She halts when she sees them. ‘Andaran atish’an,’ she says. ‘Flat ears?’ Shianni frowns. ‘You’re Dalish?’ is her response.  
  
They’re taken to the camp. The Dalish leader - a Keeper - greets them. Shianni tells them as much of her story as she can. The Keeper listens, and says she will do what she can to help. ‘Healing magic can only do so much,’ she warns.

  


_Like dogs, Shianni._  
  
Even now, whenever Shianni sees a human man, she feels pure terror. She knows why, now. She wishes she didn’t.

  


They leave the Sabrae clan later, much later, when they hear that their cousin has returned to Amaranthine. Shianni feels stronger, now, for resting, but when they come near any human settlements she goes to great lengths to avoid them. Soris understands, and says nothing.

  


Vigil’s Keep is immense. It’s so, so human that Shianni nearly turns tail and flees. Soris takes her hand, and says, ‘They’ll want to see you.’

  


Shianni’s never been hugged like this before. Ethuil holds her so close that the breath is squeezed out of her. She hears Ethuil’s breath hitch in their throat. When Ethuil steps back, they sign, ‘I’m so happy to see you.’  
  
Shianni starts to cry.

  


Ethuil introduces them to their partner. He’s an Antivan elf who oozes charm and Shianni can tell that Soris is flustered. His wife remains in Denerim, and he tells Zevran this as soon as it looks like he might be flirting. Zevran laughs, and says there’s only one person for him. He winks at Soris, and Shianni laughs. No wonder Ethuil fell for him. 

  


Shianni and Ethuil stay up all night talking. Shianni and Ethuil cry many times that night. Ethuil tells Shianni they’re looking for a cure for the Blight. ‘I’ll die from it eventually,’ they sign. ‘The Calling will take me to the Deep Roads, and I’ll cease to be. If I can find a cure…’  
  
‘I’ll come,’ says Shianni.  
  
Ethuil hugs her again, and their dog – Shortbread Biscuits, which Shianni thinks is a strange name for a war dog – wags his tail and clambers into bed with them. Shianni laughs and gives Biscuits a hug. 

  


Ethuil sends Soris back to Denerim with a human called Gable and a dwarf called Dworkin. They say that the two will keep Soris safe in his travels. They give him a letter to give to their father. Shianni and Ethuil watch him leave from the gates of Vigil’s Keep.  
  
The two of them turn away once he’s disappeared. Zevran waits for them at the stables. That night they leave to continue Ethuil’s search for a cure.  
  
Shianni feels safer than she has in years.


End file.
